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Tuesday, 7 November 2017

Narrative writing practise.

In writing this week we were shown a video called Oceanmaker. Mrs Spragg paused the video at 1:47 and we had to plan and write the rest of the story from that point on. 

First we talked about what a Narrative needs: 
  • 1st or 3rd person view
  • Beginning. middle, end
  • Personification
  • Problem
  • Solution
  • setting
  • character
  • vocab (who, what, when, where, why)
  • connectives  (suddenly, therefore, afterwards) 
Here is the video: 
(Wach untill 1:47 and puse then read my story after that watch the rest of the video) 

We had success criteria to follow and then after we had finished the story we assessed it and then we had a peer assess it. 

Name   Hannah                                                                   Peer Marker: Ian
Success Criteria - Narrative
Features of Text
Student
Peer
  • I have included a beginning, middle and an end.


  • I have created a setting by showing with my words or using who, what, when & where.


  • I have included a problem & solved it (or created good tension)


  • I have written a satisfying ending.


  • I have written in either 1st person or 3rd person.
1st

  • I have used descriptive language throughout  (sets of 3, alliteration, similes, personification, metaphors) and provided detail to my story.


  • I have used a range sequencing connectives. (time words or phrases)


My Personal Target/s: ISPACE and Advanced punctuation
Good with ISPACE


What I think I did well: I think my beginning was really good and I used lots of describing words
What my partner thinks I’ve done well: Time connectives and phrases
What I think I need to improve next time: I think I could improve on my middle and end, I felt like they weren't the best I could do.
What my partner thinks I need to improve next time:  Make a more satisfying ending
 
Here is my story: 


Puttering of the failing engine distracted my every thought. Sweat dripped from my dust covered forehead onto my goggles and down my cheeks, looking through my binoculars for anything short of a miracle. The golden desert gleamed below me like glowing sun, my plain was dipping up and down. Then I noticed a gleam of light coming from the lighthouse lamp, there it was again. It was  pointing at something in the sky. Following the light I looked up at a cloud. I looked at again, hoping I wasn't getting sunstroke but no, there was a cloud. Hope is a magical thing, I was so excited. Turing the plain towards the cloud I started fly to it but then I smelt smoke, looking down at the first engine I gasped, it was smoking and had stopped spinning.
“I can make it to the lighthouse in time” I thought, doing the calculations in my head. Pulling forward the lever. The smoke became more intense, two engines were down! Pushing even harder we hit top speed but then I heard an explosion! Engin three had exploded and we were falling nose first into the sand. Knowing there was nothing more I could do I placed my hands over my head, preparing for impact.

It came, I was jerked up and down in my seat, feeling sick I knew when we had finished, Unclipping my seatbelt I grabbed my plans off the dashboard and my backpack from behind me, running as far away from the plain as I could. BANG! It exploded and the heat hit my back (not that it made much of a difference). Slowly turning my head to see the damage I groaned, it was gonna take weeks to fix. Then the door to the lighthouse opened, a short man stuck his head out. He had light brown skin with grey hair sticking up in angles, he was wearing an old air force vest and green pants. He hopped along with a weird jiggle in his step.
“who are you?” he asked, he had a high voice with a slight crock to it.
“um, hi. Im Kayla. My plane just crashed”
“yes, yes. See that, see that. Let me look, let me look” he said running over to it. I ran after him, not wanting him to break it. “where did you get this junk?”
“I built it” I replied stuffing my papers in my bag
“I can see why you crashed it”
“I didn't plan to crash it”
“yes, yes.” he said turning away from it “my name is Zem”
“Zem?” I said confused by the name
“yes Zem, Zem!”
“ok, ok” I said and before I knew it he had grabbed hold of my hand and dragged me inside the lighthouse.

At the bottom was a small kitchen with a door off the side. Looking up I saw a dizzying set of spiral stairs with a floor in the center then a floor at the top.
“How long have you lived here?” I asked him
“for as long as I have lived here for”
“ok,but how long have you lived here for?”
¨For as long as I have lived here for” he replied
¨so...a long time”
¨yes, yes.”
¨what do you do for food?”
¨I came here long, long time ago with air force. Ate all food we had then when food done I ate the only thing left” I shuddered at the thought of him eating his crew members.
¨air force huh. Can you build? I need help building something”
¨what, what!¨ He said jumping up and down in excitement
¨its this rainmaker” I said passing him the notes. He skimmed them and then became way to excited, grabbing my hand and pulling me up the towering staircase.

In the second floor could have been mistaken as a workshop if not for the bed crammed in the corner.
¨Zem! You have everything in here we need” I exclaimed and we started getting to work.
Maybe this is the Miracle i've been looking for.

(now go back and watch the rest of the video)
I would really like your feedback on what I did well and what I could improve on. I think I used a lot of SPACE and I think I could improve on my ending. Im not particularly proud of this story, I think I could have done a lot better and I didnt really enjoy the video so I think that showed in my story. 


Friday, 20 October 2017

Logo Design

This week we had to create a Logo for our Uru Mānuka cluster. We had some rules,

  • Make it simple
  • It has to be able to be shrunken and blown up.
I would really like your feedback on what I did well and what I can improve on and maybe any tips for next time?

To make these I used Google Drawing and LogoMakr.

Wednesday, 27 September 2017

100WC

Hey Guys!
Yesterday in writing Mrs Taylor said that we were doing the 100WC!!!! It took me and Mrs Taylor all day to get mine down to 100 words but finally we got it from 141 to 100! Here it is,

We had to include the words:

Professor    Crocodile    Purple    Twisted    Difficult

Water gushing out of the rusty pipes, Professor Margo had warned me about this, my reckless self wouldn’t listen. The flow became more intense, I had to get out. Water was sloshing around my waist, rising fast. I had to stop Señor Macres and his twisted mind. I shed my dark Purple jacket, it was pulling me under. Water enveloped me, dizziness causing fading in and out of consciousness. For a split second I saw someone riding a Crocodile. The end was near! A hand broke the surface of the water, it was difficult, but finally I had a grip.

Do you like it? Tell me what you think down in the comments, I love hearing your suggestions!

Adding Fractions

Hey Guys!
Today in maths we were learning how to Add and Subtract fractions, we had to make a DLO and share it on our blog so I wrote everything out and took a screenshot.
Take a look!

I hope I helped you!

Thursday, 21 September 2017

Five Sentence Challenge.

This week in writing my group went onto the Five Sentence Challenge website. The five sentence challenge is when you get given a picture and you have to write a story about it using only five sentences, Mrs Taylor wanted us to use power words. The trick with it is you have to pick only one part of the picture to write about. I chose the girl and the dog.
This was the picture:


This is what I wrote:

A light breeze pricked my skin, the smell of rain in the air was immanent. Sam was barking at tadpoles cutting the surface of the lake. He came bounding up to me, his slobbery tongue attacking my face. Placing one of his large, wet, dripping paws on my lap, I knew what he wanted. Giggling, I scratched him behind his velvet ears, his tail thumping the ground.

Tuesday, 12 September 2017

The Golden Ticket

This Weekend I was performing my dance schools performance of ¨The Golden Ticket¨. Selwyn School of Dance is my Dance school and ¨The Golden Ticket¨ is the first performance that the Contemporary,Jazz,Hip Hop, Musical Theater and Theater Craft classes got to have their own performance. ¨The Golden ticket¨ is the dance schools version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. For the Matinee I was Veruca Salt, I had so much fun being Veruca and I got to speak with a british accent, my favorite line was,
¨I want a Squirrel, I want one! All ive got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and three parakeets and two canneries and a turtle and a silly old hamster! I WANT A SQUIRREL!¨. Then in the evening show I was a Villager, a Pure Imagination girl and a Squirrel.
All the leads got a flower that was dyed rainbow.

Thursday, 7 September 2017

Toolkit

On Wednesday we went to Hornby Primary to do Toolkit. Toolkit is a thing were students from the different Hornby cluster schools came and took ¨Sessions¨ with different toolkits. We had to sign up to different toolkits but also we took one toolkit. Bree, Grace, Lucy and I had to do blogger. Then Grace and Bree were both sick so Lucy and I got Prudence to help us and we all went on the day.

We made a slide on how to create a quality blog post: