Narrative writing practise.

In writing this week we were shown a video called Oceanmaker. Mrs Spragg paused the video at 1:47 and we had to plan and write the rest of the story from that point on. 

First we talked about what a Narrative needs: 

• 1st or 3rd person view
• Beginning. middle, end
• Personification
• Problem
• Solution
• setting
• character
• vocab (who, what, when, where, why)
• connectives  (suddenly, therefore, afterwards) 

Here is the video: 

(Wach untill 1:47 and puse then read my story after that watch the rest of the video) 

CGI Animated Short Film HD: "The Ocean Maker Short Film" by Lucas Martell | Mighty Coconut

We had success criteria to follow and then after we had finished the story we assessed it and then we had a peer assess it. 

Name   Hannah                                                                   Peer Marker: Ian

Success Criteria - Narrative
Features of Text	Student	Peer
I have included a beginning, middle and an end.
I have created a setting by showing with my words or using who, what, when & where.
I have included a problem & solved it (or created good tension)
I have written a satisfying ending.
I have written in either 1st person or 3rd person.	1st
I have used descriptive language throughout  (sets of 3, alliteration, similes, personification, metaphors) and provided detail to my story.
I have used a range sequencing connectives. (time words or phrases)
My Personal Target/s: ISPACE and Advanced punctuation	Good with ISPACE

What I think I did well: I think my beginning was really good and I used lots of describing words What my partner thinks I’ve done well: Time connectives and phrases What I think I need to improve next time: I think I could improve on my middle and end, I felt like they weren't the best I could do. What my partner thinks I need to improve next time:  Make a more satisfying ending

 

Here is my story: 

Puttering of the failing engine distracted my every thought. Sweat dripped from my dust covered forehead onto my goggles and down my cheeks, looking through my binoculars for anything short of a miracle. The golden desert gleamed below me like glowing sun, my plain was dipping up and down. Then I noticed a gleam of light coming from the lighthouse lamp, there it was again. It was  pointing at something in the sky. Following the light I looked up at a cloud. I looked at again, hoping I wasn't getting sunstroke but no, there was a cloud. Hope is a magical thing, I was so excited. Turing the plain towards the cloud I started fly to it but then I smelt smoke, looking down at the first engine I gasped, it was smoking and had stopped spinning.

“I can make it to the lighthouse in time” I thought, doing the calculations in my head. Pulling forward the lever. The smoke became more intense, two engines were down! Pushing even harder we hit top speed but then I heard an explosion! Engin three had exploded and we were falling nose first into the sand. Knowing there was nothing more I could do I placed my hands over my head, preparing for impact.

It came, I was jerked up and down in my seat, feeling sick I knew when we had finished, Unclipping my seatbelt I grabbed my plans off the dashboard and my backpack from behind me, running as far away from the plain as I could. BANG! It exploded and the heat hit my back (not that it made much of a difference). Slowly turning my head to see the damage I groaned, it was gonna take weeks to fix. Then the door to the lighthouse opened, a short man stuck his head out. He had light brown skin with grey hair sticking up in angles, he was wearing an old air force vest and green pants. He hopped along with a weird jiggle in his step.

“who are you?” he asked, he had a high voice with a slight crock to it.

“um, hi. Im Kayla. My plane just crashed”

“yes, yes. See that, see that. Let me look, let me look” he said running over to it. I ran after him, not wanting him to break it. “where did you get this junk?”

“I built it” I replied stuffing my papers in my bag

“I can see why you crashed it”

“I didn't plan to crash it”

“yes, yes.” he said turning away from it “my name is Zem”

“Zem?” I said confused by the name

“yes Zem, Zem!”

“ok, ok” I said and before I knew it he had grabbed hold of my hand and dragged me inside the lighthouse.

At the bottom was a small kitchen with a door off the side. Looking up I saw a dizzying set of spiral stairs with a floor in the center then a floor at the top.

“How long have you lived here?” I asked him

“for as long as I have lived here for”

“ok,but how long have you lived here for?”

¨For as long as I have lived here for” he replied

¨so...a long time”

¨yes, yes.”

¨what do you do for food?”

¨I came here long, long time ago with air force. Ate all food we had then when food done I ate the only thing left” I shuddered at the thought of him eating his crew members.

¨air force huh. Can you build? I need help building something”

¨what, what!¨ He said jumping up and down in excitement

¨its this rainmaker” I said passing him the notes. He skimmed them and then became way to excited, grabbing my hand and pulling me up the towering staircase.

In the second floor could have been mistaken as a workshop if not for the bed crammed in the corner.

¨Zem! You have everything in here we need” I exclaimed and we started getting to work.

Maybe this is the Miracle i've been looking for.

(now go back and watch the rest of the video)

I would really like your feedback on what I did well and what I could improve on. I think I used a lot of SPACE and I think I could improve on my ending. Im not particularly proud of this story, I think I could have done a lot better and I didnt really enjoy the video so I think that showed in my story. 

Logo Design

This week we had to create a Logo for our Uru Mānuka cluster. We had some rules,

• Make it simple
• It has to be able to be shrunken and blown up.

I would really like your feedback on what I did well and what I can improve on and maybe any tips for next time?

To make these I used Google Drawing and LogoMakr.

100WC

Hey Guys!
Yesterday in writing Mrs Taylor said that we were doing the 100WC!!!! It took me and Mrs Taylor all day to get mine down to 100 words but finally we got it from 141 to 100! Here it is,

We had to include the words:

Professor    Crocodile    Purple    Twisted    Difficult

Water gushing out of the rusty pipes, Professor Margo had warned me about this, my reckless self wouldn’t listen. The flow became more intense, I had to get out. Water was sloshing around my waist, rising fast. I had to stop Señor Macres and his twisted mind. I shed my dark Purple jacket, it was pulling me under. Water enveloped me, dizziness causing fading in and out of consciousness. For a split second I saw someone riding a Crocodile. The end was near! A hand broke the surface of the water, it was difficult, but finally I had a grip.

Do you like it? Tell me what you think down in the comments, I love hearing your suggestions!

Adding Fractions

Hey Guys!
Today in maths we were learning how to Add and Subtract fractions, we had to make a DLO and share it on our blog so I wrote everything out and took a screenshot.
Take a look!

I hope I helped you!

Five Sentence Challenge.

This week in writing my group went onto the Five Sentence Challenge website. The five sentence challenge is when you get given a picture and you have to write a story about it using only five sentences, Mrs Taylor wanted us to use power words. The trick with it is you have to pick only one part of the picture to write about. I chose the girl and the dog.
This was the picture:

This is what I wrote:

A light breeze pricked my skin, the smell of rain in the air was immanent. Sam was barking at tadpoles cutting the surface of the lake. He came bounding up to me, his slobbery tongue attacking my face. Placing one of his large, wet, dripping paws on my lap, I knew what he wanted. Giggling, I scratched him behind his velvet ears, his tail thumping the ground.

The Golden Ticket

This Weekend I was performing my dance schools performance of ¨The Golden Ticket¨. Selwyn School of Dance is my Dance school and ¨The Golden Ticket¨ is the first performance that the Contemporary,Jazz,Hip Hop, Musical Theater and Theater Craft classes got to have their own performance. ¨The Golden ticket¨ is the dance schools version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. For the Matinee I was Veruca Salt, I had so much fun being Veruca and I got to speak with a british accent, my favorite line was,
¨I want a Squirrel, I want one! All ive got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and three parakeets and two canneries and a turtle and a silly old hamster! I WANT A SQUIRREL!¨. Then in the evening show I was a Villager, a Pure Imagination girl and a Squirrel.
All the leads got a flower that was dyed rainbow.

Toolkit

On Wednesday we went to Hornby Primary to do Toolkit. Toolkit is a thing were students from the different Hornby cluster schools came and took ¨Sessions¨ with different toolkits. We had to sign up to different toolkits but also we took one toolkit. Bree, Grace, Lucy and I had to do blogger. Then Grace and Bree were both sick so Lucy and I got Prudence to help us and we all went on the day.

We made a slide on how to create a quality blog post:

Timetable

This is my timetable for the term

Senior Buddies

This week Laura and I started Senior Buddies. Senior Buddies is a support system that has two/three seniors going into one of the three junior classes. We get to do stuff like, help with reading and sight words, testing spelling and helping with fitness. I really enjoy this because I love the juniors and I love helping them learn. 

Children and Young Adults book awards

Today we got to go to St Margaret's to listen to six authors talk about their books. My favorite authors were Leonie Agnew and an Illustrator, Jenny Cooper. I really like Jennys drawings and Leonie talked about her book, The Impossible boy, I really like her and afterwards I got to go down and ask a question, I asked if they had any suggestions for anyone who wants to be an author and they gave me lots of helpful information that I would use.

If I had to choose a book to win the book awards I would choose Leonie Agnew´s The impossible Boy, I really liked the part she read and she is a great person to listen to.

Netball Zones

On Wednesday the 2nd the Yr 7&8 netball team went to netball zones at rollistion college, it was fun but we didn't win any games though we did tie one. The first game we played we lost to rolliston college then we played against burnham, we tied that one-one all. Then we played rollestons other team and we lost again but it started poring with rain and we had to go inside to the gym. Our last game was cancelled but we versed West Melton and we lost but we had fun and it was an awesome experience.

Holiday Recount

Hey!
DISCLAIMER: Sorry if this is really bad, I am not good at recounts but I had to do this, so here goes:

In the holidays it was my birthday, I turned 12. On my birthday I had my party and Prudence, Laura, Bree and Grace came. We meet at the bowling alley and we had one game of bowling. It was fun and Prudence won, Bree came second, Grace came third, I came forth and Laura came fifth. I love the bowling alley, the crash of the ball hitting the pins, the loudness of people having a good time, it makes me smile.  After we bowl we go home and sit in my room, we do presents and just sit. Then we go into the lounge and we see that dad has set up the data projector, we start singing karaoke and we love it, it is so much fun. But then Bree dropped the microphone on her head. We started watching the movie but then Laura walked out and she was spewing. It took a little bit but she got taken home and we went back into the lounge.  We choose a different move and then we went to bed, it was a little bit before we went to sleep and I woke up at three in the morning so I didnt get the best sleep but the next day Prudence and I got dropped of at Drexel's by Mum for breakfast. It was fun and yum but we both felt really sick after it. I had lots of fun.
Hope you enjoyed my story!

Thanks!

~Hannah

Chunking Division-Remainders

Hey!
Today I am doing chunking division with remainders.

Make-up night

Hey Guys!

On monday night at 7´Oclock Bree´s mum, Leanne, came in and had a makeup night with some of the Mums, Sisters and Students of our school. Leanne is a professional makeup artist with her business Beautiful Makeup. It was $5 entry for kids and $20 entry for adults, all the money is going to wellington camp.

There was about ten of us there and we had so much fun! Bree and I were modals and Leanne showed the makeup on us, I was first and Leanne did night makeup on me, but she said that it is more like bridal makeup. Then Bree went and she got a full contour and day makeup. I learnt so much but mostly that contouring is shaping the face.

Here is some photos:

Chunk Division

Hey guys!
Today we are learning how to do chunk division-I made a screencastify to help anyone who needs it.

Please Donate

Hey guys!
Just a quick little blog post about our wellington camp, at the end of the year the year 7&8ś are going on wellington camp, we are at the start of fundraising and it would be great if any of you would like to tell your parents to donate on our give a little page. This would mean a lot to us
Thanks!
From Hannah.

Timetabe

Hello Everyone!
This week we have been able to run our own timetables, I really enjoyed this because we did it last year and it is much easier to use than having the teachers set it for us. During this week I found out that with all the extra stuff I do I don't have us much time to do lots of stuff as other people do.
Thanks!
From Hannah

Screencastify

This is me showing you how I can use Screencastify to show my learning.

Attitude

Today we had a guy named Phill come in and talk to our class about Who Are We? We talked about our Personalities and how it makes us who we are. We talked about the different personality types, There is the otter: The fun guy who wants everything to be fun!
The Lion: The guy who always wants to be in charge! Who always has ideas who wants to share them,
The Golden Retriever: The guy who is kinda the ¨Mum¨ of the group who wants everyone to be ok all the time.
The Beaver: The guy who will keep on trying to get it right.
This was really helpful and I enjoyed it. He also told us about a place called YouthLine, where you can talk to someone about your worries and they can help you, it is also all confidential so they wont go telling your parents!

I really enjoyed having him in and cant wait to see him next time!

My Blog Profile

Today at Cybersmart we learnt about blog posts and profiles. We made our own blog profiles, here is mine.

Who Views My blog?

This week in cybersmart we were talking about who views our blogs and made a PiktoChart to show this information.

Reflection

Cross Country

This Monday we had Cross Country, I really enjoyed running even though Bree and I didn't really run. I came forth place and I thought I did really well. Bree bet me by three seconds. Then after I had run my race I got to have a break and cheer everyone else on then the little kids ran, I got to run next to the and it was tiring but fun.

Here are some photos:

Different Platforms

Hey Guys! Here are some editing platforms that I like to use.

Sound Trap

This week in cybersmart we were working on a program called Soundtrap. On this you can make your own music,record podcasts or remix music. I really like this program because I enjoy making podcasts and this makes it really easy. It also has a really good microphone. This program is fun, easy to use and you don't need to pay!

Lots of love, Hannah.

Student Council Program

Last Tuesday the YMS Student Council went to Rawhiti School for a Health Forum. In this Health Forum we talked to other student councils about what they are doing at their school. After that was had Zumba which was so much fun because we laughed a lot. Then it was lunch, after lunch we split up to our separate activities, Bella, Prudence and I went to biking. After biking we went to the food challenge. I really enjoyed these activities. The whole day was fun and we all really enjoyed it.
Lots of Love,
Hannah

Free Write: The Magic Circle

Hey Everyone!

For the last few weeks we have been doing free write, in free write we had to choose a picture and then write a story about that picture. I really enjoyed this because it was testing my imagination and I want to be a tween writer when im older. After we have finished our stories we had to bring them to Mrs Taylor and  she would give us an editing sheet to work with. I haven't finished my Story yet so please keep in mind that it is not finished and that I have not edited it properly yet.

This is my Picture that I chose

The Magic Circle

The morning was a chilly autumn morning, jack frost was out and about. My bare legs had goose bumps and I wished I had put on tights this morning. Our school skirts aren't exactly warm. I ran through the school gates, wishing the classroom was closer, navy blue and white was everywhere, I shoved my bag into my locker that I shared with Olivia. Suddenly it hit me like a someone had dropped a directory on my head, my sea blue eyes were wide, today was the massive french test and I forgot to study! I ran out of the locker room

“Jeez Lilly, you're gonna trip over. Slow down!” I thought to myself and slowed down instantly, imagining me tripping over and everyone laughing, embarrassing!  I pushed open the door and walked in, spotting them instantly. Olivia, Matilda and River, my bffs all had blond hair. While Olivia, Matilda and I all had blue eyes, Rivers were a yellowish green.

“Hey Lilly, I like what you've done with your hair” Olivia said to me. I moved my hand to my dirty blond hair, which was up in a fishtail braid.

“Thanks but that's not important. Did you guys study for the french test?” I asked urgently.

“I'm doing spanish” River reminded me

“Yeh, it was really confusing” Olivia said

“Same, but you know i'm crap at language” Matilda told me

“Umm, I may have forgotten to” I said twisting my fingers  

“It's ok, we can help you study at lunch. Remember french is last period today” Matilda reassured me

“Ok” I said, not so sure. Suddenly the bell rung making all of us jump. I moved to my desk. Mr Rosenberg walked to the front of the class and started taking the roll

“Jamie Andrews, Merida Anderson...” but I tuned out,

“It's ok, you know heaps of french you probably know everything for the test already” I thought and quickly tuned back in just as he was calling out my twin brother's name (Luke Walter)

“Lilly Walter” He said and I raised my hand.

That lunch I had to stay back in the classroom to talk to the math teacher. I walked out to the cafeteria and loaded up my tray with fries and a burrito. I walked outside and sat under the tree we had agreed to meet under. River, Oliva and Matilda weren't there yet,

“Thats weird, im sure that they said this tree.” I thought but I couldn't think about it for long and pulled out my massive french textbook and started to read. The bell rang and I still hadn't seen them all lunch. I walked to History, they weren't in class ether. I tried to pay attention but all I could think about was where they were. I exited class in a haze, not really paying attention to anything. Until Destiny ran up to me, her dirty blond hair up in a ponytail with a pink bow on the top.

“Hey Lills!” she said and walked next to me

“Oh, hey Destiny. Do you know where Olivia, Matilda and River are?” I asked

“Who?”

“You know, Olivia Williams, Matilda Rogers, River King. I thought you knew them, they have been in your class since grade 1”

“Huh? Do I need to worry about you?”

“No, there definitely real.” I said but I started to doubt myself.

That day after school I asked my french teacher if she knew where Matilda and Olivia were but she just looked at me strangely and asked if I was feeling ok because she had no idea who they were.

“Lills, come on!” Luke called to me

“Yeh, yeh. I’m coming” I said and walked out the door.

When we were walking home I cautiously asked Luke about my friends,

“So… did anyone you know disappear at lunch today?” I asked him

“No, what are you doing?” he asked

“Nothing, nothing. Just out of interest did you see any of my friends at lunch today?” I asked him

“Yeh sure, I saw Lila by the- What are you doing?” he said, stopping mid sentence.

“But you didn't see anyone of my friends, like River or Matilda or Oliva, maybe?” I asked ignoring his question.

“Who are River, Matilda and Oliva? I have never heard of them and we have been in the same classroom since kindergarten” he said and I decided to make a more visual approach, I pulled out my phone and looked for photos of them but everywhere they were in photos had disappeared. My camera roll was filled with blank backgrounds or groupies with only me and Destiny in them, were they were supposed to be in selfies was just the blank background. I stuffed my phone in my pocket and grumbled

“Never mind”.  We pushed open the blue door to our home and we saw that Dad was sitting at the kitchen bench, reading a book on “Acting in the 1950’s”.

“Hey Dad.” we both said and ran up the stairs to our rooms, I threw my bag down on the ground and looked at the photo frames on my bookshelf, I wasn't surprised when most of them were just blank backgrounds. My stomach grumbled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten that much at lunch. Dragging my feet back down the stairs I wished for not the first time that we lived in a one story house. I made myself a cheese,ham,pineapple and tomato toastie.

“How was school?” Dad asked me, he had his “I'm not going to work today clothes on” with comfy jeans and a t-shirt that said, “I write, what's your Superpower?”. His dirty blond hair looked like he hadn't combed it today. If he was younger he could have been, mine and Luke's triplet brother, except for the fact that Luke and I had blue eyes and Dad had green. Dad was an Actor, Author and he owned a cafe that was called “The green bean”. Our Mum left when Luke and I were three, so Dad had been a single Dad for a long time, i’m not sure how he balances all of his jobs but he does.

“It was ok. I forgot to study for a massive french test today but I think I did pretty well anyway” I said cutting my toastie and taking a massive bite, indicating that I was really hungry and done talking about school.

It was two hours later when I was reading on my bed, I looked up at my pink and white clock and sat up and ran down the stairs, Dad may have all of these talents but he was a horrible cooker. Luke wouldn't be able to boil water so this left me to do all of the cooking, today I was making Salmon and homemade chips. Cooking distracted me from thinking about Oliva, River and Matilda. I served up the food but ate in a daze, while Luke and Dad talked all I could think about were where they were. I was jolted out of my thoughts by Dad talking

“Lills? You sure you're ok?” he asked me

Kristina Webb

Hey Everyone!
This week we had to look for NZ Artists to copy one of their art pieces. I choose Kristina Webb. 

Kristina Webb is a 21 year old Instagram artist. Born on September the 8th 1995 in Tauranga, New Zealand. She began drawing when she was 2 years old. Her main goal in life is to inspire as many people as possible. Her artwork has been recognized by famous brands and celebrities, including Ed Sheeran, Starbucks, Tyra Banks, Cody Simpson, Chloe Grace Moretz, Lauren Conrad, Bethany Mota and Tyler Oakley. She published her first book, Color Me Creative when she was 20.

Here are some of her drawings:

Meeting Jamie Duff

Today at school we got to meet Jamie Duff! Jamie duff is a Sprint car racer. Lots of us got to have things signed but I didn't get anything because I don't really like car racing. It was lots of fun meeting someone famous though. Afterwards Laura, Prudence, Ariana, Grace and I got to sneak out with Mrs Taylor to see the truck. I was so cool! The truck is really long and tall for the two tiny cars they have to get in it.

Here are some photos!